Many Humbled Frustrations

Hey guys! This is another wonderful update from Duc. Since my last update, I mentioned that I still have some more people I wanna introduce to you. Well, here’s the rest of em (my mentor’s family of course).

I guess we’ll start like we always do, from the left to the right. The first girl you’ll see is Holly. She’s the Bill’s eldest daughter. I don’t really know her that well because she’s kind of a shy person. But I think she’s around 13 years old (because she’s grade eight in an International School here). That’s pretty much all I know about her.

Next to her is her little sister Kimmy. She’s even more shy and I rarely even get to hear her talks. She’s around 10 years old (I think). She reminds me of one of the kids in my church; they both love their Nintendo DS and brings them wherever they go. On top of that, she takes Jazz and Contemporary dance. It’s a shame that I never saw her in action though but I bet she’s good.

Anyways, next to them is their mother Ilana. She’s Bill’s wife and has an amazing baking talents which I occasionally enjoy (but not enough). She’s a graduate from CBC (same as Bill) and has a gift of languages. It really runs in the family because I heard from Brem (the Regional Director for Alliance Southeast Asian team) that her mother can speak more than five different languages (fluently). I also hear that Ilana speak fluent Khmer from all the dorm student (they said she sounded like a Khmer person). On top of that, she’s the language coach for all international workers here in Cambodia.

And the one next to her is my mentor Bill. He is also a graduate from CBC who did his Onsite in the Philippines. He is an international worker here in Cambodia for more than 12 years and is a close friend with Bernie Van De Walle. I spend most of my time with him and he’s proven to be a real cool mentor. He’s one of the main reason that I feel so at ease here in Cambodia and we have had wonderful venting session as well as intellectual discussion. On most occasion, he rattles my theology a little and get me out of my comfort zone, which is actually good for my ego.

And of course next to him is me. And I don’t really need to introduce because y’all know who I am. =)

Well, this week (I mean the first week of December really, sorry about the late update) has been really humbling. First off, I would just like to thank God for allowing Hung and I to do Onsite together. He has been a tremendous source for my venting and comfort. And if you’re wondering, he’s doing pretty well (just go read his blog!).

If you have been reading my blogs and such, I felt kind of bad for leading you guys on. I may have given you the wrong impressions of my life here in Cambodia. Everything I said up to this point was pretty positive (except for the lesson on Grace) and it really is a wonderful and positive experience. However, that’s not to say that there aren’t also some challenges as well. And for this blog, I wanna share with you what some of those challenges were.

Well, the first list on the agenda is my relationship with the dorm guys. Ever since I arrive, I have had some trouble with my roommate. He’s a really good roommate and all and helped me a lot but there are just a couple of cultural conflicts that really spoil a wonderful relationship. Being raised in post Pol Pot regime, my roommate has adopted what my mentor called a “hand-out mentality”. For the first few times, I really enjoyed and appreciate his company so I treated him out many times as a friendly gesture of getting acquainted with him. However, I soon discovered that he becomes highly dependent on me and can at times seem manipulative. For the first month or so, he became dependent on me for everything, from gas for his motorcycle, to phone services, to internet services, to food, to toiletries (including toothpastes). This made me feel really upset because he gets a generous salary from my mentor for working as the RD of the boy’s dorm. In addition, he rarely helps clean up, and he’s one of the most stingy person I know (he even expect other dorm boys to treat him out). At times, he would bring me out and ‘suggests’ the stuffs that we need for dorms. Without my consent, he goes to buy it and tell me to pay for it. It made me become very resentful at first. But after a brief discussion with my mentor and time with my Father, I came to realization that the fault really lies with me. I have failed to draw proper boundaries. Since this Onsite, I have learned so much about what I’m responsible for and what I’m not. Even now, there are traces of resentment and bitterness that still need to be cleansed from my soul but it is progressing. Meanwhile, I learned to draw proper boundaries and are saying ‘no’ a lot more often. This has helped saved our relationship because for the past month of so, I have not talked to him at all nor did I go anywhere with him. However, things are starting to recover as I draw proper boundaries and I feel like I have more ownership of my life as I learn to say no to him. In addition, he’s learning my boundaries and are becoming less dependent on me. Now we can truly start a new friendship based not on dependencies but on mutuality.

One of the important lessons I learn is that human sinfulness can continue for generations. Because of what Pol Pot and his regime did, it had indeed created generations of dependent people who rely on the charities of others for survival. The more I study about war-torn Cambodia and its history, the more I feel sympathetic for its people. I’m so glad that I have the opportunity to be here and become an instrument of Christ to help undo the effect of human sinfulness. It is a privilege that I hope I will always cherish.

Second on the agenda is an issue I have with one of the guy in the dorm. His name’s Mato. I usually go out and buy food and store them in the refrigerator. I noticed that somebody keeps on finishing it and the thing that gets to me the most is that nobody asks or even tells me that they’re eating my stuff. So whenever I’m hungry, I expect to have some food left and it’s not there. This frustrate the heck outta me. Finally, I told out that it was Mato who’s been taking my stuffs without telling me. To make it worse, he even ride my motorcycle without asking for my permission. Finally, I had to suck it up and confront the guy. I hate confrontations by the way; it always makes me cringe inside. I guess it’s better to cringe than to burn with resentment and anger (all because I feel like I’m getting ripped off). So I cringed away. I told him that he needs to ask for my permission before he used my stuffs or eat my food (my tone wasn’t very nice either, who can blame me, I was mad!). He apologized and since then, we haven’t got into that situation again. However, something happened a week later that made me regret and feel like a fool. Mato’s mother went to visit him and brought him all kinds of goodies. On the first night, all the guys of the dorm were feeling hungry and to my surprise, Mato took out all that his mother brought for him and shared it among the boys. And this continues day after day until we had consumed all that Mato’s mother had brought for him. Then I realized something very important as I talked to him. It didn’t matter if we share lots or little, all that matters is that we share what we have. If I have much, I will share much and if I had little, I should also share what little I have. That was his mentality and he presumed that I have that as well so he thought that he shouldn’t even need to ask me about sharing my stuff. That just blew my mind away (well, at least my conception of ownership that was ingrained to me by Western culture). I felt so humbled after that incident because I felt like that’s something that was beyond my comprehension. Truly, my individualistic way of thinking was challenged and I see community in a different light. It is definitely a welcomed change (because what he had suggested was more biblical than what I was taught). Now, don’t get me wrong. I still believe in taking personal ownership and such but I don’t believe that’s the starting point. Being in community is the starting point and assessing how we can manage our personal possessions to benefit not ourselves but the community as a whole should be the next step. When we have community as our starting point, its priority supersedes that of personal possessions and really truly put it into the right perspective. For even God’s blessing on Abraham was conditioned so that it ultimately blesses the community of believers, not primarily Abraham himself. I am still learning that profound truth each and everyday and continued to be challenged by Jesus to live it out. I know I’m not there yet, but I’m starting to crawl and hopefully one day, I will soar on its wings to truly live in its freedom.

Third on the agenda was a run-in that I had with one of the dorm girl. Being a very chillax North American guy, I usually don’t take cultural issues very serious (as long as they are only cultural differences and not moral differences). So two months into my Onsite and I still retain many of my habits that I had acquired in Canada. Just to name a few, I still wear sleeveless when I go outside, shorts, gel spike hair, Oakley sunglasses, ride my motorcycle fast, and of course, fool around on the road with the guys (while driving). It’s what guys do in Canada. It’s just ‘cool’ like that. Anyways, the boy and girl’s dorm decided to go out one day and like usually, I would act like how I would in Canada. On a stop light, I pulled beside my friend’s moto and we start hitting each other for fun. Then I tapped Panith (the girl) on the shoulder and pretend to beat her up too. To my surprise, she turned to me with most serious face and told me to behave appropriately. Her exact words were ingrained into my mind, “Don’t treat me like that, I am a Khmer girl.” It stings big time. How can I be so foolish? After that incident, I looked around. I noticed that all the boys who acted the way I did were considered ‘playboy’ by Khmer standards. Playboys are counter-cultural to Khmer culture and are perceived as bad boys (or gangsters) who ‘good’ Khmer people should not be associated with (especially good Khmer girls). I realized that to be effective in my ministry and to build healthy relationships, I cannot hold onto the old me (or as I called it, the North American me). I must journey with Christ to find the new me (the Khmer me, so to speak). The state that I’m in right now is not truly myself; it is tainted with North-Amercianism. To truly find myself, I must allow myself to be seen through any cultural lens. Only then can I truly know myself for who I really am behind all the veneer of cultures. Only then can I truly see myself in Christ, able to enjoy all cultures and act with utmost sensitivity to all cultures. When I truly see myself in Christ, it is only then that I can truly become His voice and His hands to do His works among all the wonderful diverse people group that He had created and delights in.

Last but not least, I absolute hate the way people drive here (more correctly, I should say some people). Nine out of ten times I see people not obeying traffic lights and cause gridlock. Ten out of ten times I see people driving the on the opposite side of the streets and nearly cause all kind of accidents. To make things worse, I witness corrupted cops tries to extort people for breaking ‘traffic laws’ and people breaking them only because cops are trying to extort them by imposing ‘traffic laws’ on them. And its frustrating because it becomes a vicious cycle. Turning on your vehicle’s lights during the day time can cause a cop to pull you over and fine you a ticket (or more like a bride to let you go because those money are pocketed and no receipt is given). They are stringent on pulling people over for not having mirrors on their motorcycle but let people run on the opposite lanes. They absolutely would not let you run red lights but allow big big trucks to go onto small streets for a dollar or two. It is so frustrating because the results are very unsafe and unregulated streets. Every time I go for a drive, I almost guarantee to have a close call to getting into an accident. So far, I have had two accidents because of it. Thank God that they were only minor accidents resulting in nothing more than a couple of scrapes. I was so frustrated that on one occasion, when I was going pretty fast (like 60km/h) and this car decides to cut me off by turning left. I nearly hit him and he was a foreigner (a white Caucasian) and I gave him the middle finger! People don’t get license here or really learn to drive; they simply paid a fee and the license is simply given to them. So you have people with cars who don’t check their mirrors or signal when they turn. To make things worse, the only rule in Cambodian streets is that the bigger vehicle have the rights of way. It is something that I struggled with every time I go out and it has really brought out the worse in me. I noticed that my roadside manner has become a lot more aggressive. Sometimes I wonder how Jesus would react if He had to drive a motorcycle in the rush hour traffic of Phnom Penh. I’m sure He would show righteous indignation and send a rebuke or two. =) (In case you think that I’m serious, I’m not!)

Anyways, that’s pretty much some of the frustrations that I had to put up with and learn to work through but overall, it has only challenge me to become more Christ-like. To become truly Christ-like, I learn, is to become Christ-like not just in a North American culture context but to learn to be like Christ in all cultures. I’m sure Jesus, who loves all cultures, would find ways to express Himself in that culture. And here I am, learning to find and express myself in the context of Khmer culture. I can only hope that by leaning on Jesus, I will adopt such an attitude and hopefully become truly, and utterly Khmer one day (hopefully before I leave). =)

The New Family

Hiya all!

Sorry that I have not updated my blog recently. I must admit that it was due to my own laziness and all but I promise that I will try to continue to list my progress. Actually, I have been updating them offline. I just couldn't find the right pictures to make it more interesting. So for the next week or so, you will be getting a month worth of updates. Yippy right!? RIGHT!? =)

Anyways, for the first in awhile update, I will finally introduce you to my new family (which is kinda old now since I'm like 2 1/2 months into my Onsite). Without further ado, here they are:

First, here are my boys. There are eight of us living at the boy's dorm. I will go from left to right to tell you a little bit about them and their background.

The one in the green T-shirt is Poeng Iyamato. His name sounds very Japanese but I can assure you that he's all Cambodian blood. He is a very cool and smart guy. He's studying at med school to become a doctor and actually has a chance to win a scholarship ($40,000 - which is A LOT of money for Khmer) to finish his whole 8 years program. In addition, he's gifted in like everything he does, from being my bright English student, to soccer, to musical instrument (piano), to video games. And he's only nineteen years old.... I'm so jealous!

In the back you will see a guy with my motocyle helmet on. He's Phon Buntheoun and he's the dorm's clown. He's the typical bad boy turned Christian because he acts like a good boy with an attitude. He's about twenty years old and studying to become an IT. His dad is a pastor in Cambodian countryside. I consider him a little brother because we're so much alike. We act a like, the way we talk are alike and he probably has the best English out of the group. He's the only one that talks with slang and other English idioms (i.e, let's bounce, wanna grab a bite, etc). It's interesting because we are probably the closer couple in the dorm because he moved into the dorm the same time I did. Him and I always kid with each other and it's nice because I never have a little brother until now. To top it off, we always stay up late and talk about everything (however, just mostly about girls).

Next, you will see a guy in the old black shade. His name is Neth Panith. He is your typical nice quiet guy. I don't see a lot of him around because he goes to school in the morning, and work in the afternoon. After work, he usually eat with his sister in the girl's dorm so I never really see much of him. On top of that, he doesn't speak a lot of English so its hard to communicate with him.

And the one in the cowboy hat is my roomate Cham Phearom. He's the RD for the guy and girl dorm (but mostly for the guy). He was hired by my mentor to become RD and he's also my Khmer teacher (although I prefer Buntheoun to teach me because I like to learn street Khmer instead of 'proper' Khmer). Aside from a few (okay, quite a bit) of issues, he's actually a really friendly guy. He tries hard to be helpful and is quite a dependable guy. When you need him, he always seem to make time for you. However, he is quite the stingy guy and are quite dependent on me for everything that he uses and eats which makes me quite uncomfortable and irritated most times. Apart from that issue, we are quite good friends. He actually make me laugh a lot because everytime he sees a mirror (whether it be an actual mirror or just a reflection of himself on any material) he starts flexing and making a face to check out how 'handsome' he is. Then he smile at me and ask, "handsome eh?" to which I laugh and said, "If only I was a girl."

Then the guy in the very back is Thidy. He's the most senior guy in the dorm because he stayed at the dorm for like 3 years in a row. Even though Thidy is younger than me, I really look up to him. He is studying IT at the University and TEE (Theological Education by Extension) to become a pastor. I love the guy because whenever the dorm boys has questions, he goes on and on with his answers. I remember this once when we were having a theological discussion about the Trinity and he spoke on it for like an hour. He is very zealous for God and I can totally see it. Its not the arrogant type of zealous but a deep faith that shines the very light of Christ. In addition, he is so gifted in music. He can listen to any drum beat or guitar solo and pretty much duplicate it. It saddens me that I will have to leave Cambodia before I can see the fruit of his ministry. I know he will be quite a formidable force for the Kingdom of God.

Next, you will see the guy in the brown white shirt. His name is Roeun Sothearo. He is probably my best friend here in the dorm. We always cook together, hang out, talk late at night, and sometimes snuggle together for fun (it's quite normal, I assure you. Just ask Steve Greenaway, Dave Hill, or Timmy Gee. Wait I mostly force it on Timmy Gee... =). He is nineteen years old and is quite the guy. He is naturally pretty smart (my best English student). He's studying IT at the university. He is good with all kind of things (like sports, video games) but what makes him really shine is that he doesn't just rely on natural abilities but desires to practice them continually to improve upon it. Currently, I act as his drum, English, and gaming teacher and so far he taught up to me in drumming skills (in like 2 months. I tell you, that guy practice like hours a day), and his English has improve tremendously (the only one I know in the dorm who speak with complete, correct sentences like 50% of the time). The thing I like most of Thearo is that he loves people. Even though he's poor, he share everything he has (whether it be food, or computer, or other stuffs). And he ALWAYS help me whenever I ask him. If he live in Canada, I would think that we'll be best of buds...

Last and probably least (at least in my relationship with him) is Heng Sokkun. Sokkun is eighteen years old and is studying IT at the university as well. I actually don't know that much about him because he speak very very little English. On top of that, he's an extremely quite and shy guy. I've never really enter into a direct conversation with him so I couldn't tell you much about him. I guess when my Khmer gets better, I will be able to have more conversations with him but for now, he will remain a mystery to you.... and to me as well. Well that's it for the guy dorm. Now I will move onto the girl's dorm.

Here is the girl's dorm. There's actually three more that's missing from this picture (because the three are so evasive and I have to sneakerly take a picture of them sometime in the immediate future). Anywhoo, the furthest one to the left is Channy. He is twenty-two years old and is fourth year English major at Western University. However, she doesn't speak a lot of English which kinda surprises me. But she is a pretty good writer. She has an awesome personality because she is kinda like a tomboy. We always stare each other down and sometimes push each other. She's the little sister I never have but wanted.

Next to her, the girl in the green shirt is Neth Sokkun. Her nick name is Sokkun-nisa (which is a really famous singer in Cambodia). She's quite the smart girl, majoring in IT at the university. She's Panith's older sister and what a sister she is. She goes to school and cooks for him everyday. Even though she's younger than me, I'm always intimidate by her and consider her a bigger sister. She has that bigger sister vibe to her. And to my surprise, her English is very good. She's naturally really smart and learn quite fast. Even though she occasionally shows up to my English class, she's one of the top student.

Next to her is the girl in the red shirt. Her name is Khim Chanty. She is a bratty, short little princess that's really smart at the same time. Actually, we're pretty good friends. Her older sister used to live in the girl's dorm for quite awhile. Even though she doesn't know a lot of English, she tries really really hard. She never missed any of my class even though she have a full study schedule and even brings friends to it. She has this charm about her that always make me give into her demand. It's that little whiny little sister type of charm, which is kinda cute really. She's twenty but acts like thirteen around me. And we talk alot, mostly about stupid stuffs (which sometimes I don't even think she understands me because I speak mostly English).

Next to Chanty in the picture above is also the girl in yellow in the group picture (the furthest one to the right). Her name is Netkru On (nick name, I never really did know her real name). She is quite mysterious really. I don't even know her age. All I know about her is that her father is the guard for the girl's dorm and she goes to all my English class. She seems normal but really surprises me when I throw out random hard stuffs in English and she was able to answer it correctly. She's as mysterious to me as to you so I can't really give you much info on her.

The girl in yellow T-shirt in the middle of the picture is Yos Mariya. She's the girl that celebrated her birthday with me. She is probably the youngest girl in the girl's dorm (nineteen years of age). She is Channy's sister as well. She is studying to become a nurse and acts like Chanty. They're pretty close friends so I'm not really surprise. She nags, whines, and acts like a little sister as well. Everytime I bring snacks to my English class, she's always the first one to munch from it. In addition, I think we could be good friends is only she understands more English. She probably speak the least English out of all the girls and when she does speak English, it is kinda cute. In my English class, I taught them formal and informal speeches. Mariya seems to only remembers informal ones. Its kinda funny when I asked her wassup... what's happening to which she replies, "Nothing much, just chillin" in her Cambodian accent. Make my mentor and I smile all the time =)

Missing from the picture is Heng Panith. She's twenty one years old and is quite mature. She's one of my best girl student for English class and she have this deep quiet faith about her. She doesn't talk a lot but when she does, wisdom and gentleness flows out in steady streams. She tries really hard to learn English too and she's the first one to attend both of my English class (which means 6 days a week). She constantly give me suggestions on how I can improve my teaching skills (in a gentle way so that I can't really get offended or mad at her). Other than that, she's like the only one that ever invite me to eat with her after class (even though she doesn't have a lot). It really shows that she's hospitable as well.

Next on the MIA list from Ducky's picture is Sok Loth. I manage to snag a picture of her from a wedding that I attend (which you shall hear more about - foreshadowing anybody?). I probably admire her the most out of all the girls in the dorm because of her character. She is a very average person with a very huge determination and diligency to get work done. She is a country girl that goes to Phnom Penh because her parent wanted her to have an education. Never really study before because she was poor, she was plunged in the intellectual world of university. She tries really really hard and study like there's no tomorrow. In addition, she attends all my English classes and probably the few that hands in completed homeworks. I really truly admire her audacity to improve and grow in knowledge.

Last but definitely not least is Melisse. She's an old girl dorm resident but I decided to put her on the list because she's somebody I can relate to. I got a chance to talk to her and know her for about one month when I first came and I felt like we totally click as good friends. Her journey of faith really moves me and reminded me of my own journey as well. She's twenty-four years old and major in English at the university as well. She got one year left but never quite finish it because of her calling. She became a Christian a short while back (I believe it was three to four years ago) and quickly got called in ministry. She is a local missionary (working with another Australian missionary woman) to the Malai province of Cambodia. She speak English very very well (like the best among all the locals that I heard). In addition, she is a total tomboy. Unlike traditional Khmer girls, she's amazing at soccer, good at volleyball, and likes to swing the motocycle around really really fast. She really encourages me because in her, I see the fruit of missionaries here in Cambodia. She's one of the few locals here that is seriously about Christ and really give it her all to proclaim the Good News. I see that church here in Cambodia can be self-propagating and self-sustain if it has more people like Melisse.

Okie, that's about conclude our introduction to the dorm people, now for the miscellaneous but just as important people.

The first group of people I want to introduce to you is the landlord family. The tall guy name is Timothy and his wife is Rota. They have a son named Joshua (who just turned one). Timothy works for a Christian publishing company in Phnom Penh and works closely with Steve Green (a missionary in Cambodia for 17 years). His wife is a manager for some foreign company (which I'm not really sure what). They're pretty chilled people and love to chat it up with me once in a while. On top of that, they always offer food when they cook something special and it usually taste oh so yummy! I'm very grateful for their hospitality.

The next group I want to introduce to you is my gym mate. I go to a local gym named Paddy's Gym here in Phnom Penh and manage to make some interesting friends. The guy on the left is Vilai. He's a Laosian that moved to Phnom Penh because his mother decided to flee the country. He's nineteen years old and is studying biology at the university. He's a hardcore workout alcholic because I always see him at the gym. However, he admits to me that for every two hours he's there, he probably do only 30 mins of work out. He loves to talk to people and he actually trains alot of the newbies that go there. He's a nice guy but sometimes he can make really crude jokes. I guess those jokes would've been funny before I was a Christian. But overall, a really friendly guy. And he speak English quite well too (street style of course because its cool like that in Cambodia).

On the right is a girl named Aarie. She works there at the gym as a cleaner, manager, guard, etc. Pretty much everything that the gym needs, she has to handle it. On top of that, she's an aerobic instructor. Its quite cool because everyday at around 5:00PM, I see a huge crowd of older Khmer women floods into the gym and Aarie pumps up the music and starts aerobic dance class and all the older women shake their booties. Very entertaining. She's a really nice person but she's the girl that I usually practice my Khmer on. Whenever I work out and she have times, we would always chat it up. She doesn't know English at all so I'm force to either do charade and look like a fool or suck it up and think really hard about what I learn in Khmer class.

That's about all the people I have on pictures that I want to introduce to you guys. There are a bit more but I haven't got a picture of them yet. I'm sure that it would be quite boring if I only gave you a description so I'll refrain and keep them for my next update.

Anyways, sorry about the long long blog but do not fret... more are coming very very soon. =) A quick note. These people are the very reason that I have not really feel homesick. They are all really great people and to be honest, I really do feel at home here with them. They are all like big and small brothers, sisters, and uncle and aunts to me. I guess home is really where God calls you to be and wherever He calls you, He also provides a community for you to be a part of. Overall, I thank God for His faithfulness for provide use a nurtured environment for me to grow, learn, and share my life with these people.

Not with just these people but you guys who are praying for me, reading my blogs, facebooking me. I never felt more at home when I think about all the people that I'm sharing my life with.